I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
