anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
