Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
