All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
