i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
