I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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