I got chris browned last night
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
