so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
