Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
