ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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