I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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