Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
