and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
