Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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