I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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