My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
