you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
