I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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