I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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