do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
