Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
