the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
