I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
