You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
