I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
