did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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