dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
