don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
