Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
