Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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