I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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