I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
