He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
