I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
