Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
