Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
