when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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