I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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