Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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