he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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