oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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