I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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