Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
