I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
