Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
