Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
