Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
