Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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