Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
