love makes seman taste better
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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