recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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