That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
